Absolution

Forgive and soon forget

For I have sinned

Too much to not regret

Forget and please forgive

My violent soul

Who was afraid to give

The love that kept you whole.

Forgive my heart

For it is weak and in the dark

Forget its fear

And all shall then be clear.

Forgive oh please

Forget and ease

The pain the suffering and all there is.

Forgive oh please

For I, I’m only human

And terribly shaking on my knees!

This is for all the people to whom I caused pain  and made them suffer...

Push

As I sit in silence, 

Raging

Crying, begging

Slowly fading

Out of misery

And out of hope

There I see this

Oh so sweet and bitter tone

Clinging

Never ever losing

Grip of his

On my fragile little soul

Then I wonder

Slowly craving

For the sweet and warmest glow

Of the hearts eternal doom

 That lifts you from the world’s low

Up until the skies that bloom

With that everlasting laughter

Of the purest gift of all

…

Do I need it?

No, say I

But I want it

No and no

Cries love to my weary soul:

Thou shall have it nevermore

Bastard soul,

Doomed and forsaken, leave it be!

For the gift you push away

And yet you want it

Why is it

You cannot see?

Doomed you are and doomed you'll always be!

So I linger

Slowly dropping

Into all that I have lost…

Yes I want you

And yet, no!

 I want you not

Push and pull

Your heart and soul

For this doing

Sorrow, I feel deepest

but my dear,

I am forsaken

For I do not know

Which to keep

And which let go…

Always juggling

Bound by fear

Love and hate

And then somehow

Death embraces me

In your heart

Slowly drowning me

 In the harsh and cold

That eternal curse of

 Indifference

Of my all.

…

Lost in Secret Garden

A few days ago I decided to go out for a walk and discover some new places in Umeå (Sweden). I was really curious about a forest so I made it my destination for that day.

This is the Forest I choose for my little adventure

When I left home I had no idea what would await me in my so carefully planned morning walk. The sun was shining and everything was lovely. I checked the roads leading to the forest and was set to go. Ready and confident that I will have no problems whatsoever and would be home for lunch, I packed my camera and went out the door listening to music and enjoying the lovely sun. The path I had chosen to go by in the forest was not that hard to fin, and after 4 songs (15 minutes) I was standing in front of the entrance. 

I use Google maps to show you where exactly it was....now there is no green...just white white snow :D

I was really exited to be there. It seemed however that I was not alone. There were a lot of people, either walking their dogs or skiing. That forest has a lot ski paths and also tiny paths between the trees. It was like a little wonderland. Birds were singing and the bright and warm sunlight made you forget that it was actually still winter, it made you immune to the minus degrees, so you just had to loose the hat and gloves that were keeping you imprisoned. I followed the straight clear path that you can see in the first picture. As soon as I entered I wanted to take some pictures to capture this amazing moment. Assuming that the snow cannot be of no harm I stepped to my left towards the green army of trees to get a better shot at them and zboom...I was knee deep in snow :)))

This was taken as lay there with my right foot deep in snow =)

I took some pictures and returned to the "right" path and thus going further. I kept looking at the amazingly tall trees and how majestic they looked. My green soldiers. Pictures were taken now and then but I mostly wanted to enjoy the outdoors after I have been trapped inside for so long because of my studies...

While I was slowly walking on my white path I noticed something weirdly shaped on my right side. I went closer and stood underneath a tree looking at it. It was the remains of a tree I believe, it looked just like a nature made statue so obviously I had to take a picture of it.

My Friend, my Saviour

  Now, why would I call it my saviour? Soon, I will come to that part of the story. For now I kept on walking and came soon to the end of the wide white road. It was then that I decided to head towards a much smaller path that went south from where I was. I continued on that road, not fearing anything. I was even slightly exited that I might encounter some interesting wild animal. After a while I decided to stop listening to music and just listen to the forest sounds, for it had been a while since I encountered some human beings and was now happy to embrace the whole beauty of my surroundings. I came to a sort of bridge, but because of the snow and ice thing, I was too scared to go over it. I only climbed on one side but when I looked down at the other side, I decided not to go down, cause the only safe way would have been to slide it down. =) I turned back and while I was heading back I observed a tiny path between the trees. So I went that way, head in the trees and heart wide open!. I kept on going like this until I came to a place where there were less trees and several other wider (ski) paths. 

Wicked place where all went crazy!

   Confident and proud I managed to come this far and not get lost I decided to go a little further and then head back home for lunch time, a little sad though, that I had not encountered any wild animals. I saw a little boy and his dog come out from between the trees and naturally I was curious about where they came from and went to see. I crossed that wide place and in I went, inside the wide arms of nature. The path was not that  long and I soon heard cars rushing along the street and decided to turn back since I was not interested in anything city related. While heading back I picked up some little souvenir from the forest and was ready to go home. Amazed by the bright sun and snow I stood there in that opening and was happy. After  while I headed down the road I thought I came from....it was then after going up and down on it that I realised that I did not remember where exactly I came out from...Oh well I said, it must be this way! So I went with one of the ski paths, that sadly lead my right to the city. Okay, so I decided to go along the forest until I reached the point where I went inside it. And so I kept on walking along the street, still calm and patient hoping that soon I will see some street name that I knew?! I went like that for 4-5 songs (20 minutes or less) until turned right and I still had no clue where I was, so I went to one of the maps along the several forest entries and looked for the street I was on. Oh how my eyes fell out of my face when I saw where I was =)) 

The Green Star was where I cam in and wanted to go from the wicked place...but I ended where the red Star was...

Okay, no need to panic... I went back inside the forest, this time not stopping to take pictures. I managed somehow to come back to the wicked place by walking on small paths but then, I faced the same problem again, where to from here? I choose another path, this time hoping it was the right one. Sadly while walking on it, with no humans to ask for directions I realised that it was again the wrong one =) I was heading now somewhere  in this area:

Big Circle of Mine

Okay all seemed lost... sort of, but I kept on hoping to come across one of the ski paths and maybe see some people and ask then how to get to the other part of the forest. No such thing happened, at least not for a while...and thus I kept on walking between the trees and snow piles when suddenly I noticed something odd on my left side. At first it seemed like two pair of legs and a behind of some animal. But it was too far away to be sure. I continued, slowly, just in case it was an animal, searching for a better view of it. It then appeared more clearly since there were no trees hiding it. It was a deer! And oh how sweet it was!. It was looking back at me with as much curiosity as I was looking at it. I grabbed my camera and tried to capture this moment. Sadly it was too far away and I had no time to adjust the settings to fit the light, since I was too scared it might get away. This is how this dreamy like picture came to exist:

Dreams

But hey, it's something! Soon after that I was not scared any more and I continued on my path to find my way back home. After  while I came to a ski path, with people on it but I did not ask them, I just followed them... then after a while we came to a cross road and I as well as a lady with her child turned left and it was then, after walking for some time that I recognised something! It was my dear friend, the weird looking tree thing, but from behind! I rushed towards the main road and was so happy that I finally found my way back. All this time while walking towards the main road and out of the forest I was listening to a song from a Korean Drama, called Secret garden (thus the name of this adventure) After I stepped out of it, it switched to Nightwish's Last Ride of the day and as I was walking downhill towards home, surrounded by little water rivers caused by the melting of the snow i was gliding on the sweet sounds of Lana's Video Games...

And thus my dear friends, I enjoyed a lovely adventurous morning and was right in time for lunch at home ^_^ 

Presence

I believe that most of us if not all....ask ourselves at a certain point in our existence...or maybe more than once...

What is life?

I feel...that I will be asking myself this very question more than once. I am stuck. I would really like to know what life is to you. Not so I could claim your position, no. I am curious how others feel about this....

I don't want some random quote...no! What or better who, I am asking, is you...

What is...life to you?

Little Flame

Little flame, you desperate fire!

Never were much of a liar, 

blaming tears of  your desire 

for this empty sky, your shire.

Now you're sinking....

shrinking deeper in your thoughts, 

memories about a distant time,

when your heart was not yet lost.

You remember, 
oh the tender 
summer earth embracing

when a silent raindrop,
  desperately was chasing

chasing after what was yours
 honest heart with open doors.

Summer love, such fragile magic
always singing
always dancing!

up until, oh no! how tragic!
Thought of you our little rain

as its own flesh and blood
causing sorrow and much pain
never yet to be forgot.

And despair filled up and drank you 

drank you down

now, growing smaller

feeling hurt and out of power.

Out of blue came flying later

that once so foolish raindrop 

somehow

truth now speaking to our

little desperate flame

who, again the magic feeling

slowly and so gently seeing
 love's sweetest light and glow.

Lasting did it not that long..

just some hours 

then the drop

vanished back into blue gold!

And the fire strong and bold!

never wanting to go off...

Dreaming, waiting, longing 

up until

the wind came blowing

and so gently yet disturbing 

charmed our little flame in leaving

dreams of water and of hope

to the realm of magic and the sort.

It's not real, it whispered to its glowing ears,

foolish fire, don't you see? 

you need air 

and nothing else 

to be.

Somehow sad but somehow

not?

Now our little flame was flying 

 high above through ancient storms,
learning all there is of hearts and lying,
more and more
and never crying.

 Time seemed still

yet, going on

and our hungry soul of fire

always grasping

with desire 

towards air its only shire.

But the air went out, 

coldly sending it to the ground!

Smashing its desperate heart against the empty sand.

leaving nothing but an empty soul at hand.

Where once our flame was
 now,

sparks were slowly dying like the stars.

where once our desperate fire burned

now,

sweet to bitter turned...

Desperate flame, you little fire

have been fooled by skinny liar.

Forgotten still, you have not

About the magic bringing rain

whose memory now washed away

all this cruel and bitter pain.

Little fire growing stronger, 

brighter!

Smiling, singing, being fire.
Soon and without warning

Ocean's water came down 

falling, loving, longing 

always hoping

for your  honest heart, 
that it once had touched.

Seeing but yet not believing

scared you were for your life,

so instead of love and magic 

chosen have you,

putting out this might of water 

water that was once your heart.

But the water did not die,

nor did it go to the sky.

Turned to ice it has

and now

Little fire you desperate flame

shall you freeze all through 

with blame!