Push

As I sit in silence, 

Raging

Crying, begging

Slowly fading

Out of misery

And out of hope

There I see this

Oh so sweet and bitter tone

Clinging

Never ever losing

Grip of his

On my fragile little soul

Then I wonder

Slowly craving

For the sweet and warmest glow

Of the hearts eternal doom

 That lifts you from the world’s low

Up until the skies that bloom

With that everlasting laughter

Of the purest gift of all

…

Do I need it?

No, say I

But I want it

No and no

Cries love to my weary soul:

Thou shall have it nevermore

Bastard soul,

Doomed and forsaken, leave it be!

For the gift you push away

And yet you want it

Why is it

You cannot see?

Doomed you are and doomed you'll always be!

So I linger

Slowly dropping

Into all that I have lost…

Yes I want you

And yet, no!

 I want you not

Push and pull

Your heart and soul

For this doing

Sorrow, I feel deepest

but my dear,

I am forsaken

For I do not know

Which to keep

And which let go…

Always juggling

Bound by fear

Love and hate

And then somehow

Death embraces me

In your heart

Slowly drowning me

 In the harsh and cold

That eternal curse of

 Indifference

Of my all.

…